Sunday, May 15, 2016

How to Deal with Passive Aggressive People

I have spent a just over 20 years teaching people how to communicate whether it be with a customer via telephone, face to face or teaching leaders how to effectively communicate with their employees. I think we can all agree that the so called "soft skills" seem very easy on the surface but the truth is they can be very hard.

This article spells out how to handle Passive aggressive people. I personally think we all have a bit of passive aggressive tendencies in our lives and we can begin to heal them through practicing self awareness. 

My recommendation to everyone is to spend time each day reflecting on your interactions. Did you ever feel like you were not being listened too? Did you ever feel that you were losing control of your day? Did you ever feel an overwhelming amount of anxiety swelling up in your body? These questions any many others are questions we need to ask ourselves each day... and then we look at those interactions we had with others and ponder on whether we could have been better at them. We can do this by asking the following questions:

1. Could I have handled that interaction better?
2. Did I try to control that individual and force them to see my point with manipulation?
3. Did I feel my self esteem lessened or hurt in that interaction?
4. How could I have built love and acceptance throughout my day?
5. Did I feel a lot of stress in my interactions instead of peace and love?

If you answer "YES" to any of these questions then relive these interactions in your mind and replay it in a way that brings it from a negative memory to a positive memory. With this you might say to yourself:

"Yes, this interaction was an opportunity and I am so grateful for it because now I can see a new way for me to communicate with people that brings a positive experience for both of us"

Most of us as we look at how we have missed an opportunity create a self talk of criticism and the above statement begins to change this mind set.  When we change our mindset and change our self talk into a loving self talk instead of a critical self talk then I can guarantee you that you interactions with others will get better.

Enjoy the article!



If you enjoy this article you may also enjoy this one: You cannot rationalize or make sense of CRAZY... Don't go to Co-Dependent Hell...

Passive aggressive behavior can be defined as a kind of indirect hostility. A person suffering from passive aggressive behavior can demonstrate behavior such as stubbornness, procrastination and repeatedly and sometimes deliberately failing to complete a given responsibility. In other words, passive aggressive behavior can be summed up as a series of self providing resistance to perform adequately occupationally and socially and thus, demonstrating a string of restive negative attitudes.
The reason to demonstrate passive aggressiveness could bud from a childhood stimulus (abnormal childhood, continuous absence or seductiveness of parents, abusive relationship between the father and mother etc) in such an environment where the victim was not able to vent anger or frustration. Thus they look for other medium and channels through which they can express their suppressed anger.
Passive aggressive behavior was first discovered among-st the American soldiers during World War II when some of them would react differently to military compliance by deliberately demonstrating inefficiency, resentment, stubbornness and procrastination. Over the course of years, this mental disorder has gained much understanding and psychologists have propounded numerous ways to deal with individuals with passive aggressive behavior.
Below are 10 amazing effective ways with which one can effectively handle people with passive aggressive behavior:

1. Recognizing the disorder

The first and foremost important aspect about passive aggressive disorder is to identify it. The discreet expressions of resentment can involve numerous behaviors, sometimes without people recognizing Some of the common attributes include sulking, purposely behaving inadequately, withdrawal and pretending not to understand, remember, hear or see. Recognizing the warning signs is the first vital step in disengaging.

2. Find out the history of the victim

The next step is to get to know the person with passive aggressive behavior. This will ensure that you find a link to his or her past history versus the current behavioral pattern and practice awareness accordingly. The passive aggressive behavior arises due to a person’s lack of strong mental ability and thus the inability to cope with difficult situations. As time passes, the fear of being victimized once again channelizes the victim to develop a set of resistive, defensive and survival strategies. The ideal way to interact is to ask a set of open ended questions in a non judgmental manner so that the victim in any way, does not feel threatened with the conversation.

3. Accept the circumstances but refuse to participate

Once you have recognized the passive aggressive disorder, you can be on alert and decide to not get intertwined in a meaningless situation even though you feel you are being dragged into hollow power struggle. The key is to restrict your own behavior in a way that the conflict does not go out of bounds.

4. Combat the emotion, not the person

Combating the anger of the victim is crucial to gradually help them change the behavior gradually. The resentment should be directly pointed out as passive aggressive people live their lives avoiding acknowledging their anger. It is imperative to mention that this should be done in a non threatening way and verbiage such as ‘I think you are angry with me for…’ should be used to create a deep impact. In any case, take utter precaution to not trigger aggressive emotions.

5. Refrain from imposing

In almost all cases, a person with passive aggressive disorder would deny the covert emotional resentment which has been lying buried in the mind for so long. In fact he or she can deny the existence of such a feeling completely. It is advisable to not become defensive or justify your statements. Instead reply in a composed manner that it was simply a thought that you intended to let him or her know and limit the conversation at this.

6. Refrain from trying to change them

Causes of passive aggressive behavior is deep seated and complicated. Granted time consuming frequent lectures will not solve the problem. Instead, the victim will become frustrated and disappointed. A passive aggressive person becomes better with time, in a soothing environment when he learns to practice self-awareness. Focus on regulating your own behavior when you are with them and refrain from adopting a tit for tat strategy.

7. Display humor where appropriate

Humor can be an effective tool to disarm attacking behavior and ascertain the fact that you have better grip on your composure. It can be used to diffuse complicated situations, break the ice and conflict management. Humor can be used in a variety of ways to deal with passive aggressive people and more than often disarms their resistive behavior.

8. Formalize all kinds of communication in grave situations

Be the one who decides the tone of the relationship with the passive aggressive person, especially during difficult situations. If the victim realizes that you will tolerate any inappropriate behaviour which comes forth, you will be taken for granted. Refrain from using accusing statements which begin with ‘you’, instead ask probing questions and once the facts have been established, refrain from deliberating the truth. Speak in the third person voice if possible.

9. If possible, render the passive aggressive person an attempt to solve the problem

Much of the passive aggressive behavior arises from the victim’s innate thoughts that their opinion is never asked for or that they are never being listened to. In relevant situations, try and include the person in the discussions and willingly ask for their opinion. This way they will feel empowered and will try to come up with concrete conversations instead of complaining.

10. Maintain distance whenever possible

If you are not a psychiatrist or an expert, refrain from getting involved. Dealing with passive aggressive people on a regular basis is not easy. Maintaining distance would ensure that you are not igniting any difficult situation unknowingly and creating trouble for yourself too.
Such strategies and effective skills can be employed to gain cooperation and cause minimal damage to the passive aggressive individuals. Alternatively, dealing with such behavior improves your problem handling skills, helps you maintain composure and confidence.

With all my love,

Source article: Purpose Fairy

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